Burntout! What Eleven Years of Design Taught Me

Where I’m at, where I’ve been, where I hope to be…

Welcome back, back, back, back again… once again a little awkward. I promise I’ll get better at these opening lines. This one’s about my career — where I am, how I got here, and what I’m trying to understand next. I know, exciting!! If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m a graphic designer… assuming you took the time to explore the rest of my site, which I put a lot of care into. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. After you read this, of course.

I'm holding a paintbrush at an artist studio in Baltimore, deep in thought

My Present: Unemployment and the Effects

After eleven years of designing professionally, I’ve lost my spark — that light in my eyes died… or, less morbidly, I’ve misplaced my passion. And that loss can feel like grief. Like a death. Like a part of me is slowly dying off.

Right before this feeling crept in — before it settled down for long-term residence — I was fried. So let’s tell this story, Sofia Petrillo–style: “Picture it, Baltimore, 2024. It was August, and I had just let go of, if I’m being honest, a very unhealthy workplace.” It was then, in that moment, that whatever little grip I still had on my passion finally loosened. The instant I was sent into that office, something in me let go.

Death tarot card

At the time, I didn’t realize it was my design lust. And like the Death card in tarot, there’s supposed to be light after the dark. The only problem? It’s still midnight, and the batteries just died in my flashlight.

That’s what unemployment has felt like, a disappointment only people who’ve mourned a job can truly understand. The effects — like a breakup — are heavy. And I can attest to that (future blog topic). But this time, I’ve also had space to reflect on my career. I’ve noticed I didn’t do all the things little Keith set out to do.

At the same time, I’ve realized how much I did do — and that’s an odd feeling. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge the good when you’re feeling less than. But it’s important. It might hurt, but it’s good to see who I was. He might inspire the next version of me.

My Past: A Short Stroll Down Memory Lane

Eleven years. Wow. It’s been eleven years since I first applied for jobs after college. I remember the coldest compliment I’d received while applying for junior designer and production design roles: “You’re so talented and creative — you’ll be bored here.” No. What’s boring is having no money fresh out of college.

Graduation day 2016, a few of my talented friends from school

The sentiment was sweet, but the sting of rejection stayed the same. That is, until I landed my first full-time job — an insurance trade association on Penn Ave in DC. The office was cool, super open, and the interview process was long. I could tell they wanted someone more experienced. But I think I had a secret friend batting for me in the background.

My future manager — who I’m still friends with today — taught me so much about what it takes to be a designer. On the surface, there were incredible opportunities: designing for major events, making lifelong connections, and even meeting the President (Vice President at the time), Joe Biden.

Photo of me shaking Joe Biden's hand, 2017

But like most of my jobs, there were downfalls. Often, I was the only Black and queer person on my team — sometimes the only one in the entire office. Rarer still, I’ve been the only gay Black man in the whole company. And while I fear that sometimes it had something to do with me being fired or leaving jobs, I worry even more that it may have been the reason I was hired in the first place.

That’s probably a deeper dive for another day.

My Future: A Hopeful Outlook in a Dim World

I’m grateful for my years as a designer, and I wouldn’t trade them away. I still have more to do and say — and other ways to say it. I think I’ve limited my growth and potential by believing that because I have a degree in one specific area, my life has to stay devoted to that craft alone.

With the rise of new technology, being Black and gay in a straight, white industry (like so many others), and my fading passion, I sometimes fear I don’t have what it takes anymore. I’ve boxed myself in.

Me in a bath tube at Ikea with a bowl on my head in 2025... I don't know either

Now, I want to explore other aspects of who I am and apply the wisdom I’ve gained from design to the dreams that still need nurturing. I’ve always wanted to start a talk show, do stand-up, and even become a teacher. And like my last blog mentioned, it’s a new year, and I’m choosing to be seen. That includes seeing my career for what it is: one path among many worth exploring.

And to any design employers or future clients reading this — I still love creating, designing, and telling stories. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

To sum this up: careers are like life — messy, unpredictable, but meaningful when balanced right.

See you in the next one.