I'm not dead, I promise!

Five Months Late, One Birthday Later

Well, well, well, look who showed up for another blog post... five months, motherfucking late, bitch. Poof, I was gone, like a bad magic trick.

Well, better late than never — the rabbit's out of the hat. With that being said, welcome back to my blog with a beautiful update on where I've been. Or, I suppose, we'll just say one big update will do.

It has been a long time, and a lot has happened. More importantly, today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me.

Out at brunch in DC with friends at Ulivo a friend is the head chef

I've been on this planet for 33 years. That's 12,053.2 days. I've been paying taxes for 5,844 of those days.

Okay, enough with the bits. And I know two people who enjoy my bits, maybe a little too much. That's where we're gonna start this blog.

My Best Friends' Wedding!

I adore these two human beings so very much: Megan and Waverly.

They are now married. It took them, I think, eleven years — geez, did he wait long — but it was worth the wait, and we all joke with Wave about it.

Photos from the Shivers wedding, April 10, 2026

They had a beautiful wedding. It brought up a lot of emotions for me. It made me reflect on the idea of friendship and how that changes over a decade. It's been fun being the third wheel on this tricycle, but it's time to let them be a bike by themselves.

I'll be the unicycle. Honk-honk.

I've always jokingly called them a lesbian couple and related them so much to Ruby and Sapphire — a.k.a. Garnet — from *Steven Universe*. (They're almost done watching the show. No spoilers.)

Meg excitedly nervous to see her new husband

It was so special to be a part of their wedding back in April of this year. And by "a part of it," I mean being one of the select few to witness that beautiful moment in Myrtle Beach.

I'll never forget Waverly saying months in advance he was never gonna cry. The entire time, he was bawling his eyes out. I wish I had a box of Kleenex, but he needed to let that moment happen, surrounded by his two closest friends.

Waverly is crying as his bride walks down the beach

I also got to be a part of Meg getting ready. That's the best part about being a gay best friend, at least in my opinion — I get to be there for both the bride and the groom.

'Cause yes, I was there for the man. But I also got to be there for the ladies, watching her get all dolled up, and watching my sister do an amazing job taking the behind-the-scenes pictures.

Truly a special moment.

And although it was special, I couldn't help but be stuck in my head while actively being there in it, on top of dealing with car issues all weekend. But nothing took away from their moment. I think that was the most magical part of all.

A Special album of photos made by the groom

And here's the thing about life: you can't really enjoy the beauty of it without also carrying the darkness that comes with it.

Losing My Best Friend

While on the topic of best friends, this next part is going to be a painful one. I'm probably gonna cry while writing this.

I lost one of my dearest friends forever. I lost my cat, Tootsie.

A Me and Toorsie, she never liked to take pictures being held

She was 18 years old, and I'd had her for 12 years. The sweetest cat I've ever known. I'm so grateful she was a part of my life.

I don't think she understood how much she meant to me.

She's the only creature I really let see me at my most authentic self. The only one who's seen me lip-sync — terribly — to songs. Not even terribly, actually, but she's the only one who's seen it. Whitney Houston, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj (I know, I know), and even Prince. So many divas.

Me falling asleep while Tootsie watches over

She's been with me through my darkest times. Through breakups. Through depression. Through happy moments. When I was mad at her. When I just needed something warm to sit next to.

She was always there. Words really can't describe — even though this is a blog — how much that little fluff ball meant to me. My tortie-shell baby.

I miss you so much, Tootsie Mama.

Tootsie curled up sleeping

I lost her also in April. That's when I began to sink into a dark spot, where I felt like I already didn't know myself beforehand, because I noticed she was drifting away.

On the morning I was supposed to put her down, because she had feline hyperthyroidism and the medication was too expensive to keep up with, she sadly passed away.

Peaceful, on her own terms.

The Day before her last breath

It broke my heart. I don't know if I've fully recovered from it.

The Dark Place

I've been here before, but this time felt a little different.

I was in a dark place, completely by myself — or as I thought I was completely by myself. I always had my cat with me. Now I don't.

In the hospital after falling down a flight of stairs with an IV drip

No longer having my own place. Living back home with my parents, in the basement. Grateful for that, but depressed by so many of life's events. Not getting a classroom teacher job, losing my cat, and on top of that, losing an aunt and a cousin to suicide, has really weighed on me and on what's important in life.

Cousin Marquise (34) & Aunt Laronda (58) rest in peace. I love you both

I didn't want to talk to anybody during this time — these four months — but I tried my best. I was sad. I was angry. I still feel these feelings; however, I'm trying not to let them overcome me.

I'm back in therapy now, thankfully. I'm going back to the gym.

I started my makeup journey to lighten my life, and because I still have a desire to get into drag, despite so much fear and doubt. I know Miss Tootsie would approve.

Me playing with a new shadow palette

The dark place is a very scary place to be. I want to thank the people in my life — everyone in my life, even if I don't always talk to you — for making sure I didn't stay in that dark place. But the biggest shoutout goes to the wedding couple I mentioned earlier, and my family.

I Never Gave Up, I Just Went Hiding

So where are we now?

My... Adulting bag

Since I never gave up, I just went into hiding. Hocus-pocus, bitch — I'm back, crossing my fingers that I stay back. Let's hope no other tragic events happen that keep me from enjoying life.

A couple of highlights from the past few months that have helped pull me out of the darkness:

I went to the zoo with my niece and sister. My niece graduated, which is fucking epic — that was back in June. A lot of birthdays have happened too — my mom, my dad, my niece, and so many friends and loved ones. Speaking of birthdays, mine has happened, and for it, I did a thing I never thought I would do.

Some cute family moments and zoo animals

I got my ears pierced.

This is inspiring me to look back at the list I wrote earlier this year, where I said I would try.

It's been literally six months — my bad, seven months. Halfway through the year. My birthday is the halfway point, so it's not too late to keep trying.

In pain after my piercing with a sucker

And so I will.

I had to remember I have more courage than I give myself credit for. My sister told me that, while we were out celebrating our dear friend's birthday at a karaoke bar. And I remembered — I was a moderator for a poetry book launch this year! How dope was that?

On stage at Peabody Heights Brewery for Wild, Unfelt World by Hillary Gonzalez

Only now do I think about it: in the moment, I couldn't even read the lyrics to Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love." I could’ve used that courage.

I don't have to stick with my original plan that I told people about, going on *RuPaul's Drag Race*. I still want to do drag. I don't have to be a teacher immediately — I can substitute.

Posing on the beach after the wedding

If you've read all of this, thank you. I owe you some money. I don't have any, so... you're welcome, I guess, if you learned something. In that case, maybe you should pay *me*.

Until next time.

XOXO Pinkston